( _-_)

What a way to start the year, with a new years resolution to maintain a journal, when the beginning turns out to be really shitty.
Death of loved ones is never easy, but in hindsight, I'm happy to have recorded my feelings.

I feel the need to work on my optimism because it feels like I've just been waiting around to see if any other horrible things are to come in 2016, even thought I know it's unhealthy. Been feeling stagnant. Sad.

The past few weeks have been spent at the doctors office. My tennis elbow. My son's dislocated knee. Then, my husband had to have a bit of skin removed from his neck as a precaution.

Feeling guilty that I have yet to sent Nanny her birthday gift.  ( _-_)

On the plus side, we're all healing.
Seth has taken an interest in cooking. Tonight was his second time making risotto. Both attempts were successful.
I'm hoping to get my grandma's b-day present mailed out to her by Friday, then I'll try and overnight it. Because guilt.

I'm dreading the summer humidity even though it's nothing compared to Virginia, what with those low air quality days. I'm still wishing I could just skip ahead to fall.

It does not help that in the backroom where I work has a messed up air system which resets itself every hour or two with heat. Fucking hell. It felt like 90 degrees on Sunday morning when I walked in. It was 84.
The place was not only hot, but like my emotions, the air quality was poor; Stagnant.
Someone thought it be a great idea to place heavy boxes directly in front of the control panel, and so now, in order to just the air conditioning, one must move the tall, heavy obstruction forward.

Tall, heavy obstruction mentioned.

 By doing so, my tennis elbow flared up. It had been feeling pretty okay the week prior. Smh. Now it hurts, again. -_-

Trying to keep positive. At least I was off yesterday and will be off tomorrow. So happy to have my old schedule back. I need a damn break.

He's Nearly an Adult

In the past few months, I've had two dreams about my son being a toddler. The one I remember most is where I'm walking through a grocery store(?) shopping for Fisher Price toys, because for some reason I had not given him any new toys for a very long period of time, and felt guilty. The other one was of him falling asleep in my arms.
Time has gone by quicker than I could have ever imagined.

Missing VA's Warmth & Not Temperature-Wise

The majority of people I've encountered in Minnesota have had cold personalities. Minnesota 'nice' is actually a lot of passive aggressiveness, and straight up rudeness.
 (Oh, you don't want to hold the door open for others? Oh, you don't say thank you when others hold doors open for you? Oh, you want be pissy over nothing at all, then back down when confronted?)

I have been missing my VA people more and more as time slips by.
I'm miss realness.
 I've found myself clinging to anyone even remotely warm.

 Like the third and final doctor I've chosen after going through three miserable sons of bitches. I am actually afraid I'll lose her, and then be forced to seek someone else I can warm to. (I need to ask her if she's from here, and I'd be surprised if she was.)

I have found some really great gems up north.
Sad to say the majority of them spring from other parts of the country.

Actual warm Minnesotans are more than gems, though. They are like expensive truffles in a fine dinner prepared by someone else. A rare thing indeed.

Fall in Virginia

9/11

I was working in Navy Federal Credit Union's inbound Mortgage & Equity Lending call center on 9/11. I didn't know anything had happened until some point after both towers had been hit. The call center was vacant. A few people were still there watching the events on a small tv at their desk. The calls ceased. The first caller I got within 10 minutes of learning about what happened said, with what sounded like a shit eating grin, "It seemed like a good time to call".
I remember being absolutely petrified. NFCU headquarters is in Vienna, VA. Not too far from the Pentagon. 

9/11 - 102 Minutes That Changed America