Yates

Stories written by Richard Yates is all I've wanted to read, so he is all I am reading. Carl Sagan's writing in Cosmos is fascinating, but requires more brain power than I feel like exhausting at the moment. At first I felt bad about putting it down, but it is what it is.
I forgot to take my pills most of Monday. It was after 4 when it all of a sudden occurred to be that I was fucking sad. Smh.
I always forget to take my pills on Monday being that Mon. is my first day off, and my leisurely mornings means I don't have food under later in the day, so I forget.

I can't wait to for this Monday; looking forward to my three day weekend, and planning to take my damn medicine so it won't be spoiled by more sadness.

 "It was like walking through fire, but they did it quickly and with what anyone would have said was perfect composure, heads up, eyes front, so that the piano only came up loud for a second or two before it diminished and died behind them under the rhythm of their heels."

– Richard Yates

The Collected Storied of Richard Yates

Asshole

If you invite vegetarians and vegans to dinner, and they bring their "own protein" like asked, why would you then proceed to tell them vegetarianism doesn't make sense? Seriously, shut your fucking mouth.
You don't understand why some people choose to not eat animals? Really? Then do some research. Don't be an ass.

Missing Warmth & Comfort

Yesterday's blog went on about how I want to escape. I forgot to take my second St. John's Wort pill, and even though I took it later in the afternoon, it just wasn't working for me. That, or I'm just sad.
Just before going to bed extra early, I thought about how D. and Nanny both  were constant comforts to me as a child. To have lost them both in the first half of the year, along with my other grandma is pretty fucked up.
Why would I even question my sadness? Of course I'm sad.
I believe the word is grief. I've entered the acceptance part of the grieving process.

I've never really been close with many people. Danielle, (I keep calling her D., but fuck that. Her name was Danielle.) Nanny, and on occasion, my other grandma Granny made up more than half of those which I was close with.
Nanny and Danielle were especially warm and honest to me growing up. 

The world feels colder without them here.

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Iridescent, Rainbow Holographic Things

I have a fiend-like desire to go to •Lush•. I want to replenish my Karma soap, and a couple of lovely bath treats.

Ordering online takes too long, but I don't want to drive to MOA, as my husband has alway driven me. It sounds kind of crazy to go there just for Lush. 

Times are dark enough where I'm steadily self medicating/escaping by means of St. John's Wort, and endless hours of reading, usually much of that time in a sweetly scented hot bath. 

I'm on the edge of asking Seth to take me. It is a half hour drive, and I just don't have the heart. 

Maybe I'll just place my order online.

The last book I read was •Gone With the Wind•

•my review•

I'm now reading Carl Sagan's •Cosmos•  "The only planet we are sure is inhabited is a tiny speck of rock and metal, shining feebly by reflected sunlight, and at this distance utterly lost."

My back's gone out on me a few times, and I've missed work because of it. Today is my technically Monday, but in Jen's world, it's my Friday/beginning of a three day weekend, and my left side is hurting.

 I just need more Lush. ✿◕ ‿ ◕✿